Day After Today
by solstice lilika
Summary: This is a Naley song fic, but the song chosen is written by Bethany Joy Lenz. I'm not the best at summaries so i'll just leave it at that...
1. Day After Today

**Day After Today**

_Said I want to live the city life  
This small town could eat me alive  
I gotta pack my things and go where the railroad takes me  
Mama's too poor to send me away  
But I've been saving up on most everyday  
Little bit out of each check from the Gas & Deli_

He always said he was going to leave, be a better man than his father ever was. But I never imagined that it would be with out me... I guess part of me knew that I would be a burden for him, just get in his way instead of help. I was in love, which was and still is the only justification for why I stayed with him, knowing that he would leave. I just always hoped that he would realize that his love for me was too great to leave behind, foolish notions...Nathan always worked so hard at his Uncle Keith's auto shop. Scott Motors was his haven, it was the only place I ever really saw him at peace, with himself, the world, life. His steely blue eyes would clear up in that time, the cloud that permanently shown in them would disappear, if only for those short moments. Although, it was never because he loved to work on cars, that was just a perk for him, but because he knew that Scott Motors was his ticket out. Never did Nathan spend frivolously, quite the penny pincher I would call him. I never could wrap my mind around why Nathan saved his earnings, his father, Dan Scott, was the big man on campus, and owned the biggest dealership in town. He would surely give him whatever Nathan asked for, unlike his mother Deb Scott who couldn't afford to, she'd been previously addicted to heroine and spent all her money on drugs, eventually burying herself in debts. Now she was clean but worked hard to pay back the money she owed, she and Dan had divorced when the town found out about her addiction, so Dan gave her no money. Deep down, I knew why Nathan would never ask Dan for anything, both of us knew that Dan would hold it over Nathan's head. Use it as another way to control him, Nathan had worked so hard, fought for so long to free himself of that, he wouldn't go back.

_And the whistle keeps on blowing  
And the train keeps on rolling_

_And he said  
I ain't never been to New York City  
I ain't seen the San Francisco Bay  
I ain't never tried my hand in Vegas  
But you bet your bottom dollar  
That's where I'm going the day after today_

I remember Nathan telling me the night he staggered into my room in a drunken stupor that he wanted to go to New York. Live the city life, be a worldly man. I was... shell shocked; it was completely out of the blue for me. I had always pictured us living together in Tree Hill with a small family. Nathan was an only child and I had been part of the James clan, Haley James, the youngest out of 7 brothers and sisters. I just always figured we'd have our 2.5 kids, a small house on the outskirts of town, with a white picket fence and a golden retriever. It wasn't like I should have been surprised he wanted something different for himself, we'd never discussed our future together, but part of me knew we'd be together forever. Didn't turn out the way I'd planed it, but then again life never does.

_So he locked the door and he killed the lights  
Took a six pack to get him through the night  
Didn't have a plan just a good sense of direction  
And Maybelline, his beauty queen  
She cried all night cause the sheet were clean  
But he left her a lovers' note there apologizing_

The day he left was the saddest of my life, I thought my heart would never heal, that I'd be left a broken girl lost and alone, with out loves light to guide me. It felt as though Nathan had ripped out my heart and taken it with him, leaving me an empty shell. But all hope wasn't lost; he'd write me at times, tell me how different it was in New York, how cold the people were to new comers. If you didn't watch your back the muggers would take the shoes right out from under you. I felt as though he was trying to scare me away, keep me from coming after him, so I didn't. I let him be, and hoped that he would find what he was looking for. But in the dead of night I would wake and rock myself to sleep, crying. Hug his pillow to my chest and breathe in his scent that still lingered even after 4 months.

_He said I hear the whistle blowing  
Gotta catch it the train is rolling _

_And he said  
I ain't never been to New York City  
I ain't seen the San Francisco Bay  
I ain't never tried my hand in Vegas  
But you bet your bottom dollar  
That's where I'm going the day after today_

God only knows how many times I had to remind myself that Nathan was destined for more, he was _supposed_ to be better than the rest of us here. Everyone could see it, ever since he was a little boy; he had this spark, this determination that would eventually take him from this place. It's ironic that, that same spark that was destined to take him from me was what lead me to him in the first place. It had been 7 months since he'd left and he still kept writing, only further giving me hope, hope that he would return and whisk me away from this hell. Hell, that was only hell when he left, before that it was my utopia. I struggled to convince myself everyday that I had to let him live, live before he could return to me and be the man he wanted to be, the man we both wanted him to be. But I was finding it harder and harder to breathe. I knew I had to make myself stop loving him, stop caring, but part of me didn't want to let go.

_The air is thick on the concrete isle  
Ain't nothing green for like twenty miles  
And he ain't use to the sun and moon a hiding  
So he took his foot from out his mouth  
And he packed his things and went back down south  
But Maybelline said "Babe my time's arising."_

When he came back, again I felt pain. So much pain tearing at my insides and I couldn't understand why. He was the love of my life and he was back. I should have been happy... but I wasn't. It wasn't until Nathan told me of his adventures that I felt a pang of jealousy in my gut. It was then I realized what the pain meant, and it wasn't pain at all. It was envy, I wanted to be the one to leave and live _my_ life the way _I_ wanted to. But it was he who got the chance, who took it. Now, it was my turn, my turn to spread my wings and fly. I would get out of this town and leave my past behind, leave him behind.

_Said I hear the whistle blowing  
Gotta catch it the train is rolling_

_And she said  
I ain't never been to New York City  
I ain't seen the San Francisco Bay  
I ain't never tried my hand in Vegas  
I never seen the L.A lights shine bright  
Bright, brighter than your smile was ever  
Brighter than my desire was ever  
Longer burning than our love was ever...._

It was late at night when I left. I felt no remorse, no guilt, nothing, nothing but relief because I would finally get my chance, and _take_ it. I didn't tell Nathan I was leaving, I knew he would try and stop me, tell me he loved me and that we were meant to be together. So I left while he was out, working late at Scott Motors... The only thing I left him was a note; it said "_I ain't never been to New York City. I ain't seen the San Francisco Bay. I ain't never tried my hand in Vegas but you bet your bottom dollar that's where I'm going the day after today_..."


	2. Haunting Regrets

**Haunting Regrets**

Sometimes, when I'm alone at night I remember. His hugs, his kisses and it are at those times I regret leaving him. I wonder how I could have been selfish, but then I realize that I never lived before this, before any of it. So I close my eyes tightly and hold on to the memories of him and of us... I pray for a future together, but deep inside I don't know if it'll happen. If I'm ready to go back to him, if I ever will, this place that I've come to has become a part of me, with each setting of the sun it casts its spell on me; weaving its way farther and farther into my heart, into my being. And I can honestly say I don't know if my love for Nathan is enough to pull me away...

My mother says that I've made the biggest mistake of my life, leaving everything I've ever known behind and planting myself in a middle of no where town. But I've grown so accustomed to the way of life here... it's so peaceful. I don't know why anyone would ever want to leave. I went to everywhere I've ever wanted to go, I traveled to the biggest cities. And I hated every minute of it, and it was exactly the same in every city, this uneasy feeling at the pit of my stomach... All the poverty and bleakness, why would anyone want to live there? The saying "on god's green earth" was just that, a saying, with all those grey buildings everywhere you turned it was hard not to feel suffocated... So I left that too, and I found myself here in this middle of no where town, with lush green trees and plants galore...

But god how I miss him, it wasn't supposed to turn out this way. He was supposed to stay behind with my past. But he's not; I take him, his love everywhere I go. Yeah, I wonder if he still feels anything for me, but I can't let that rule the decisions I make... I need a sign I need something to tell me it's time to go home, because honestly I don't think I can do it on my own...


	3. Always Tomorrow

**Always Tomorrow**

**Routine: A regular course of procedure**

That's what my life has become. A series of actions I take just to get by, nothing more. I've tried to move on since she left me, but no one compares to her...

It gets lonely at night. And those are times I allow myself to think about her, and I wonder, is this what she felt when I left? This heart wrenching pain that refuses to subside... But _I_ wrote her, I kept in touch, she hasn't. Maybe, maybe if I hadn't left in the first place she would still be here, in my arms at night.

I take her with me everywhere I go, the love I have her holds true. But it hurts too much to think about her during the day. Like if I think about her during my waking hours, her leaving will really _be_ real. And she won't just be on vacation she'll be gone... My heart can't take that.

Part of me wants to go to her and convince her that we belong together. But I don't know where she is or even if she's with another man. Loving him, instead of me, her soft hands caressing him after a night of love making, god forbid she was married. I can't bear the thought, it makes my blood boil.

I say to myself that I will find her, come tomorrow she'll be mine again. But I know that it's false, my promises to myself. It's a way to keep me sane, until the time comes that I _do_ go after her, and I _am_ happy again...when that will be, I'm not sure, but I do know that it's always tomorrow...


	4. A Resurrection?

** A Resurrection? **

_"Good luck you know you better go and get it,_

_Cause love is never in the same place if you left it..."_

I've made up my mind, I have to go back. I can't stand it any longer, I know I said that I wasn't strong enough, that he had to come for me, that my ties to this place I call my home were stronger than my love for him. But I was wrong and I need him, he's the only one I know that can help free me. What's ironic about all this though is that I thought I needed to be rid of him and everything in relation to Tree Hill to be free. But in reality I'm bound to this never ending need to be free and that chains me down. Keeps me from moving on, I need him to break these chains and let me loose. If he _will_ do that I don't know, but it's all I have left, my hopes are riding on that... that and his love...

It's raining, but there's light out. It's a beautiful day really... my mother used to tell me that when the sun shines and it's raining at the same time a baby deer was being born. Maybe it's a sign, telling me that we can rebuild our love. A sign of resurrection... I feel, well I really don't know what I feel anymore. Don't think I ever did, but then again do anyone ever? I suppose I should be nervous, because I don't know how he's been or what he's up to or even if he's with someone. But I'm not; I can't help be feel calm. Like this weight has been lifted off my shoulders and it makes me lighter than I've ever been, I like that feeling...

It's Nathan, he is my saving grace. He is what takes the weight off of me and throws it away. Then he throws me up and lets me get a sense of what it's like to fly... but he's always there to catch me. So when I do come back down, I'm happy. Not disappointed that my flight ended but joyous because it's ended and I get to come back to him...

_"Well I said you wouldn't understand,_

_This was long term love..."_


End file.
